Gender-Affirming Fashion, Trans Joy & Community Care- The Layers of Us Podcast

In this episode of the Layers of Us Podcast, the CEO of Origami Customs, Rae, joins host Amanda for a conversation that gently peels back the layers of identity, work, and care that so often go unseen. 

Together, they talk about what it really means to build something rooted in values, from running a queer and trans–led business to navigating visibility, sustainability, and community responsibility in a complicated world.

The Layers of Us is a podcast about the stories we carry and the complicated systems we move through. Hosted by Amanda Wan, it centers thoughtful, human conversations with creatives, advocates, and change-makers who are shaping more inclusive futures in their own ways. 

This episode touches on gender-affirming design, entrepreneurship, mutual aid, burnout, and the importance of listening to our bodies and our communities as we grow. It’s an honest, grounding discussion for anyone curious about how identity and purpose intersect, and how care can be a guiding force rather than an afterthought.

Listen to the Podcast on YouTube or read the full transcript below!

Intro:

We're all made of layers. The ones we show the world and the ones we keep just for ourselves. On The Layers of Us Podcast, we peel back those layers through honest conversations about identity, growth, and the stories that shape us. From queer and BIPOC voices to anyone with a layered story to tell. This is where we explore where we've been, what we've carried, and who we're becoming, one story at a time. I'm your host, Amanda Wan, and this is the Layers of Us. 

Amanda:

Hey everyone, what's up, and welcome back to the podcast. Today, we have another guest with us, and we have Rae. So, hi Rae.

Rae:
Hi.

Amanda:
Do you want to start off by telling us a little bit about yourself, who you are, what you do, anything about your identity that you'd love to share?

Rae:
Yeah, for sure. So, I'm Rae Hill. I use they/them pronouns. I run a company called Origami Customs. We make gender affirming lingerie and swimwear right here in Montreal. And we can talk a little bit about that afterwards. I'm also an educator and an advocate for trans rights in the workplace and non-medical gender affirmation. That's the shortest I can do
that.

Amanda:
I'm excited to dive into that. So I'd love to know how do you personally describe your own relationship with your own identity at this moment?

Rae:
Yeah, so I'm trans and non-binary. I've been out for about seven years, and I've had that identity pretty much since I came out. I mean, non-binary is really wonderful and it's quite flexible, and it allows for a lot of shifting. 

Maybe the terminology that I used at the beginning isn't quite what I'm using now. You know, I went through maybe like gender fluid and things like that. Gender queer is another word that I've used over the years. But yeah, I feel very like settled in my transness, in my ability to shift within. And it's it's been it's been a long road of self-discovery for sure.

Amanda:
And when did you first like start exploring those layers of your own gender identity? And what did that kind of process look like for you?

Rae:
Yeah. So, it's kind of funny, like I was so sure years ago, previous to coming out, that I was just the best trans ally there was out there. It's like, “I'm not trans, surely. But just like all my friends are trans, the people I date are trans, and I'm just like so gung-ho about supporting the people in my life and like being such a good ally.” 

And then of course, as happens many times with many different parts of identity, I was like, "Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm also trans." And so I had a lot of beautiful reflections of what transness is and a lot of different representation in my community. 

And my community was super supportive. I was really lucky. Actually, like I was surprised at how accepting they were when I changed my pronouns, and I picked this new name for myself within the first year of discovering my non-binariness. 

I was kind of expecting people to be like, "Oh, wow, tell me more about it.  Like, why did you choose that? Or like, what's your identity doing?” But it was so common in my community for people to change names and change pronouns all the time, that everyone was like, "Yeah, cool. Got it. No worries." 

And I was a bit like, aren't we going to dive in a bit deeper? I was kind of offended that they weren't like asking me more questions, but it was so common just for people to roll with the punches and update automatically. So I've been really lucky in that way.

Amanda:
Yeah. And what kind of role do you think creativity and fashion, for example, played in helping you personally express and understand your identity more?

Rae:
Yeah. Well, I was making gender affirming garments before I came out. And so, a big part of my feelings around identity and advocacy and community support were wrapped up in being a kind of service provider in a way for my community. And that started to change as, you know, I started to experience my own products in a different way. I started to wear more of my own products. 

I like obviously, it's really good for my creative process to be able to have my own feedback and not just get feedback from others. Everyone has their own relationship to how they wear gender- affirming garments. So that really helped me in my work and vice versa. Then I was informed by the way that people were using my products and other gender affirmation procedures and products as well. 

And I started to incorporate more of that, and it really like helped me round out the way that I talk about my work and my advocacy because, you know, I had more of an understanding of what's on the market, what feels good. As products changed and evolved, and more things came on the market, you know, I had more of an understanding that I could speak from that place of really having an understanding personally, and I think that that connected more to people. Yeah.

Amanda:
Yeah. And how did you like come about starting this business? Especially because you said that you started making gender affirming clothing before you came out. So like, how did this come to be?

Rae:
Yeah, I'm almost in my 16th year now. So over 15 years ago, I was living in Honduras. I moved there when I was 18, and I lived there for six years, and then I spent another couple of years living in other parts of Central America. 

So, for the majority of my 20s, I lived abroad. And I was in a community of people who were scuba diving for the most part, and that was kind of my work and my play when I lived there. I owned a beachwear store with my ex-wife, and we imported swimwear, among other things, for the community that was in the water a lot of the time. But as we all know, swimwear is really hard to find that fits and lasts. 

Our bodies are all really unique and intimates, including swimwear, is one of those things where you know it's very obvious when things don't fit well. And it's also really personal and really reflects a lot of how we feel about our bodies, and can be a really challenging experience for a lot of people to find. 

So, I had a background in sewing, just personally, it runs in my family. All through the generations, the women would sew clothes for their families, and so I grew up with that lineage. I've been making my own clothes since I was a kid. My mom made a lot of my clothes. My sister was really big into it. So, I had a lot of the skill set already. 

And so when I saw people being frustrated buying these name-brand kind of surf-branded, very small-sized bikinis and swimwear, I was like, “actually, I think that I can help with this.” And I started manufacturing some products and prototypes for my friends, and they had to really like hold up because these people were in the water all the time. And they did really well, and I was able to customize the sizing based on being able to make patterns for myself when I was young. 

And it kind of just grew from there. I was able to put those in the store, and then eventually I created an Etsy shop that did really well. When those bikinis sold really well on Etsy, I created more of an underwear line and developed new patterns. And then when I moved to Costa Rica a few years later, I built my own website, and it kind of just exploded from there. 

Eventually, flash forward many years, I moved back to Victoria for a few years, where I'm from, and reconnected with my gender diverse community because that's one thing that I had been really missing living abroad. And started to see people who were kind of like DIY-ing their own packing garments and gaffs and binders, and I was like, "Oh, okay. No, I get it. I have a place here. 

I can take the things that are being made, and I can develop them. I can teach people how to make their own products, but I can also manufacture these in a way that's going to last longer, and then I can sell those products and get them out to more people. As soon as I started my line of gaffs and binders, they just flew off the shelves. 

I was the only one who was making them custom at the time. There was never any fat tax, so like all of the sizes had the same pricing, and anyone who fell between sizing and I was doing a lot more like one of adaptive items as well. And there weren't that many brands that were doing what I was doing on the market at that time. It was really filling a niche, and I still do. I'm still one of the only brands doing custom work.

Amanda:
Yeah. There's not a lot.

Rae:
No, no, there's still not. There are a lot of new brands now, which is really amazing, and I love that. But having that customization is really still important to me. And now it's all made by a team of queer and trans people here in Montreal. 

At the time, it was just me. And so, the whole first part of my career was just me making every garment. And then, about seven years ago, I started um being able to hire people to come in and train them to make these garments.

Amanda:
I love that. How did you come up with the name?

Rae:
So, yeah, right at the beginning of what I was doing, the business looked really, really different. So, on top of swimwear, I was also, um, I was using a lot of recycled materials at the time to do beachwear as well, like coverups. And I had this distributor in China who was shipping over silks, and so I was making a lot of like silk garments. 

But the idea was to be able to create something out of a product that was bound for landfill a lot of the time. So Honduras and the global south generally is a places where a lot of northern
Communities like Canada and the States are shipping a lot of secondhand clothing in this weird form of charity, but it kind of goes unused because it's not really what people want. And so that stuff often gets sold off. 

And so I would go and try to find garments that were destined for landfill and see if I could breathe new life into them. And so the idea of origami was making something from something else.

Amanda:
I love that. And the term gender affirming, I feel like a lot of people still don't know what that means or understand. I feel like it's kind of a newish term, or maybe it's just becoming more popular in everyday use. In your own words, how would you describe what gender affirming means?

Rae:
Gender affirming is really like broadly, anything that makes you feel at home in your body. I think I've also heard the term gender good recently, which I really love. It's kind of the opposite of the dysphoria, but of course, not every trans person experiences dysphoria. 

But yeah, the only way I can describe it is like anything that feels like it's aligning yourself more with the way that you want to be seen and the way that you want to feel at home in your own body. And it can really be anything. Like, you know, we talk about it in terms of medical
assistance. We talk about it in terms of like clothing, gender affirming garments like gaffs and binders, obviously. Yeah. 

But I think that gender affirmation can be anything. Like, a really beautiful massage can be gender affirming, you know, relationships can be gender affirming, like self-talk, or therapy can be gender affirming. Like, there's no limit to how you can get that sensation. But I do truly feel like it's more of an embodied sensation than a cerebral concept. Like, you just know when you feel that there's this alignment.

Amanda:
Yeah. No, I love that description. So if anyone's listening to this right now and they're still trying to figure out their own gender identity, what advice or kind of comfort would you offer them if they're feeling confused or uncertain or don't know where to go?

Rae:
Yeah, I think this is a really particularly challenging time for a lot of people. So, if you're just stepping into the world of gender affirmation, welcome. It seems scary at the beginning for everyone, and there's just so much more information than there's ever been. 

So, it could be a lot to go through, but I think my advice is just to kind of take your time and try things on. It's supposed to be a fun adventure. You don't have to settle on one presentation or one identity right off the bat, or even like a name or a pronoun. Hopefully, people are afforded a safe community where they can experiment. 

But I think it's so important, and I think sometimes we forget that transition is not linear, and for most people it doesn't land in one place and stay there, just the same as cis people's identities are continuously shifting, and their sense of self is shifting as we grow in age, with a lot of different factors that influence who we are and how we go about the world. 

We don't have to know everything right away. You know, there should be play, and there should be fun. And that’s why clothing is such a great part of it, because it's like so ephemeral, like you can just try something on for a day and wear it in the safety of your own home or in a place that you feel safe or like dancing. And it doesn't have to be something that you are tied to. 

Obviously, some of the more medical procedures are a bigger commitment, but even then, like there are so many beautiful stops along the path, and it's kind of like a mix and match. Like the way that we were taught that a gender transition would have all of these markers along the way. You got this surgery, and you did these hormones, and you went by this pronoun, and it looked a certain way. And I think we're moving away from that a lot more. 

And especially with a younger generation, they're much more fluid and much more creative in their expression. And I really love to see that. It's so beautiful being like, I want this thing from this category and this thing on this day, and I'm just kind of somewhere in the middle.

Amanda:
Yeah. And have you personally ever felt like pressure, even like within queer spaces or not within queer spaces, to kind of present or express yourself a certain way to kind of fit in?

Rae:
I mean, I was really lucky. I think I have a really creative community here in Montreal, and one that's full of a lot of different gender presentations. But sure, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself at the beginning to present a certain way. Still now, I think that there are spaces that I go into where I feel like I'm going to be taken more seriously as a trans person when I look more trans.

So one of the things that changed a lot for me was when I started taking testosterone 3 years ago, I noticed this phenomenon where the more masculine I was presenting, the more feminine I felt that I could allow myself to be. It's this weird dichotomy, but I think when I started to see myself reflected back to me the way that I wanted to be seen, it allowed for more play and the easing of those rigid boundaries. 

Before, when I was getting gendered as feminine most of the time, it felt like I really kind of had to like masculineize in a certain way to protect myself and to have this kind of armor. And now that I feel more affirmed in who I am. And I wouldn't say that I get gendered correctly most of the time, but I just have more confidence in who I am, and the people who I care about see me more. So there is more play to express femininity through a more masculine lens, if that makes sense.

Amanda:
Yeah. No, it does. Yeah. And how has your own work with Origami Customs helped you kind of continue learning more about yourself?

Rae:
Through my work, I get to experience not only the joy of making and wearing and testing the products and then putting them on other people, but it's also expanded my view of my role in advocacy and how that's reflected through my own experience. 

So, I wouldn't say that I can claim a mutual aid standpoint because we still work within this capitalist structure of a business. But that's always been my foundation, and it's really important that people see people of the community reflected back to them in the work that they're doing in advocacy. 

And it's created a sort of empathy that I'm able to express to other trans people that I'm working with. And also now that I'm more of an advocate and an educator in the GD community, teaching people how they can create trans-integral business practices and things like that, I can speak from a place that's more grounded in my experience of gender affirmation through the work that I do. 

And also being able to communicate the information that I get from my clients and my customers, because now, I've made these beautiful relationships with the people that I've created garments for. I work with over a hundred different organizations worldwide that get gender affirmation products out to people for free, and I've got these really wonderful networks that I've created and relationships with other people who are going through the same stuff as me. 

And that's all the rich history that I can bring. And it feels really important to be able to do that and say, we're all part of the same community. You can see the work that I'm doing is rooted in like, “I feel the same way as you,” and I'm not coming in and saying, “you need this,” or you know.

Amanda:
Yeah. And for your customers, is it online as well? Do they just send you measurements, or is it only in person? How does that work?

Rae:
Yeah, so it's there are a lot of different ways now. It's exciting. So it's primarily a web shop. So people go to the website origamicustoms.com, and they can enter their measurements. It's free to get custom sizing. They place their order that way. We ship everywhere in the world. And we actually found a way to ship without USA tariffs last week. So, I'm so excited. Even people in the States will not have to worry about that. It's my biggest accomplishment this year. 

But now, like I was saying, we have this network of organizations. So those are mostly like grassroots organizations working for the gender diverse community in lots of different ways on five different continents. So this is a program that I've been building for about seven years, and we send them garments, and they distribute them for free. 

So also on our website, there's a full list that you can go by region to find places that will give you these low-cost or accessible garments. There's some that will just ship worldwide for free. And then I'm in about 50 other retail stores around the world, mostly in the States and Canada. So, there are products that you can see in person. 

I also do a lot of community work, so for people who are in the Montreal area. I do like pop-up shops, and I do education, and I do booths where people can come for a free fitting, and they can find out more, and they can ask questions. I do studio days where people can come through and see how the products are made and meet the people who make them. I try to have a lot of transparency in my work

It's really rare to see a brand where you could actually meet the people who are making the garments, and you can see the space where they're made. And so that's it's something that I really want to be able to add both to like my local Montreal community and for other people to see what the value is in the labor. 

And of course, it's all queer and trans people who are making these garments. And the money is going right back into their gender affirmation care because we provide a full spectrum of health coverage that includes their gender affirmation health care and mental health coverage as well.

Amanda:
I love that. That's so cool. And also like the studio days, where you said people get to go in person. I feel like that's so cool, cuz like not like I don't even think I've ever heard of any brands or businesses doing that. So I think it is really cool to have that space for people to go and see.

Rae:
Yeah, absolutely. How often do we think about where and how the clothing that we're wearing is getting made, and who are the faces behind that? You actually get to meet the people.

Amanda:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So what would you say living authentically looks like for you today?

Rae:
I think for me it's affording myself a little bit more spaciousness than I used to. Being authentic for me means going slower. And trying to listen to my own intuition about what feels good in the moment. And like we were talking about before, not prescribing to one way that a transition should look, and not feeling pressure to show up in a space just because I feel like I need to armor myself in this way to be taken seriously. 

I'm coming into a version of my gender that's softer than it's ever been. And as I age, too, I think that that's part of how my identity has shifted and changed. I'm also dealing with more disability this year than I ever have in the past. And my transness is also really tied into my disability identity. And those two things really play into one another. And so I'm trying to really take it day by day and allow for more like radical softness and flexibility for sometimes how my disability affects the way that I can show up or present.

Amanda:
Yeah. And I don't know how much you want to go into that, but with the disability, how did you come to discover that? Cuz you said you only discovered it or knew about it this year.

Rae:
Well, yeah. So I had a spinal cord injury 17 years ago, and that was a time when I was also quite limited by it. It was right when I was starting up this business, just before it appeared. I had an injury when I was living in Honduras, and so it's chronic pain, and that has been a big part of my life ever since. 

It’s been exacerbated by the fact that I've sat at a sewing machine for over a decade. It wasn't very good for my body, and now this year it kind of got triggered, and I've been less able to do the things that I need to do. And it's all really tied together with identity. You know, not having limits on my ability to move, to go into the world, to go into nature, to go to the gym. 

Seeing my body change because of that obviously has reflections on the way that I perceive my identity, my gender. You know, what does a masculine body look like? If my body is softer or less strong, what does that mean? Does it read as more feminine? Do I feel more feminine? So, there are a lot of ways in which these things overlap, and it's really tricky to try to pull them apart.

Amanda:
Yeah. But I think it's important to talk about chronic disabilities, too, because I feel like they go so overlooked because people will look at someone with an abled body and be like, "Oh, like they're not disabled." But there are so many chronic disabilities nowadays. My best friend has POTS, and when you look at her, people are like, “Oh, like she looks so healthy, like what are you talking about?” But the chronic pain takes over your body sometimes, and I feel like not enough people talk about that or like are open about it.

Rae:
Yeah, absolutely. I have some friends like that as well, and sometimes that's also my experience. And I think when you're also like kind of a figurehead, there's this grind culture of always being ready, always being the one who's available. Presenting as I've kind of got everything under control. Which is maybe kind of damaging in the end, and hasn't always reflected my actual capacity. 

So that's definitely the thing that I'm working on and and for sure that's tied into yes, seeing my body present as very capable feeling. I take a sense of pride in my work, but then also like needing to respect my limits and my actual capacity and knowing that that fluctuates so much.

Amanda:
Yeah, for sure. And when you talk about advocacy, and you also talked about speaking to assist people and educating them, where do you do that? Is it like you're a speaker at events? Do you do it on your own? How does that work?

Rae:
Yeah, so I've really been building up my consultancy over the past couple of years. There are a couple of different things that I do. Often, I'll go into spaces that are already working with gender diverse people. And that could be like a university student group. That could be a health care organization that works with gender diverse folks to get them the support that they need. That could be an organization. It could even be something more in the medical field, like a hospital. 

And I'll mostly talk from my experience about the non-medical side of gender affirmation. And it lends something to a conversation that I think is really important. Especially in a time when people are having limited access to the medical support that they need, like we're seeing in the States, but we're also seeing in Canada. Quite a bit people are losing that. So this becomes a primary point of contact for people needing things that maybe can get them through, in a way that they didn't need before. 

And the other thing that I speak about is trans-integral business practices. So, having a business that focuses on not just my experience as a trans person owning the business, but a full staff of queer and trans people who have really specific needs. Often, we see advocacy for gender diverse people in corporate spaces as just kind of an afterthought that's tacked on at the end. 

And I really want to teach other organizations and companies how they can build in structures that are specific to supporting gender diverse people from the ground up, and make sure that we see ourselves reflected and we see ourselves in positions of leadership and consulting all the way through that process to make sure that it is like accessible and appropriate care. Yeah. So, I do that often at conferences. I do that at universities, things like that.

Amanda:
Yeah. I love that. So, since the podcast is called The Layers of Us, my last question for you is, what layer would you like to pull back and learn about yourself in the upcoming year?

Rae:
Oh gosh. I think for myself, okay, so I'm in a really interesting position right now where I'm kind of living alone for the first time in my adult life. And it's weird, and it's scary. But it's really exciting. So, it affords all of this extra time for me to be like, what do I enjoy when I'm just by myself? And by myself, I mean I've also got my dog, who's obviously very integral.

But I've been doing a lot of reflecting, and for sure it ties into gender stuff. It gives me more time to explore somatically my intuition around how my body needs to be, how I feel good in my body. But just in general, being able to reflect on the rest it takes to make sure that we can keep going as long as advocates and anyone who is pushing for the rights of other people right now, or making sure that their creativity gets out into the world. It feels like there's a lot of urgency right now to have that realized. 

And I'm trying to figure out what it looks like to just not sometimes, you know, to take a step back and to rest and see how I can also benefit from my community members. You know, I think it's pretty obvious in the way that I'm speaking to you today that I feel like I have a lot to offer. And sometimes it's about asking how I can also receive. 

So I've been doing a lot of speaking with other people who are in similar positions to me, and a lot of the organizations that are facing a lot of the same struggles as me. You know, it's obviously been really challenging for anyone working in gender diverse care worlds in the last year or two years. So, finding other people that I can lean on. Being able to be more honest about the struggles that we face. 

And sometimes that means being really vulnerable on social media, which is really scary right now. But I am really trying to do that because I find that when I'm more visible, and I'm more realistic, and I talk about things like my pain or like all of the things that have gone wrong or my challenges, that's when people kind of show up and see this as more than just a business. They see me as a whole person. And I get to have these really beautiful moments of connection
with others. So, that's really what's been driving me.

Amanda:
That's so important, I think, for any business to know the founder, but know them on more of like a personal level as much as they want to share because I feel like when I like to shop at different brands or small businesses I love learning about the founder and who they are because like there's connection there to be made and I feel like whenever I see myself in the person selling the stuff I want to support it that much more, if that makes sense.

Rae:
Yeah.

Amanda:
So yeah, I love that you're opening up and like sharing more and stuff. I think it's really important not only for yourself, but also for the people who get your products and stuff.

Rae:
Yeah, for customers for sure, but just as other people who are out there in the world just trying to exist, you know, being vulnerable is hard. Full stop. Very hard.

Amanda:

But yeah, I think it's really important that we talk more openly about what is truly going on for us and create more understanding. Like if someone is listening to this right now and they're feeling all these feelings, I think just talking about it openly makes people feel more comforted, and they can see themselves, whether it be in me or in you. I think it's just important.

Rae:
Yeah, absolutely. I agree.

Amanda: 

Awesome. Well, that's all I had for you today. So, thank you so much again for coming on and sharing all this. Before you go, do you want to shout out any of your socials where people can find you, where they can find your work, where they can shop?

Rae:
Yeah, for sure. So, our website is just origamicustoms.com. And there you'll be able to find all of the things that we talked about today, like our resource lists, all of the community partners all over the world where you can get our products for free, and all of the retailers where you can go and buy them. And then we're on all the socials at @origamicustoms (YouTube, TikTok, Facebook) 

And always feel free to drop me a line if something that I said resonated with you and you want to share. It really makes my day.

Amanda:
Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Rae:
Yeah, thank you for having me. It was really wonderful.